Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2009 22:03:30 -0500
From: Jeff A <parrafan@ureach.com>
Subject: Carwash Capers

Carwash Capers

a story by parrafan

Disclaimer: This story is absolutely fictional, and not a
recommended course of action for anyone, man or boy! Come to
think of it, there shouldn't even be any boys reading it, maybe
they might get some naughty ideas. No whales beached themselves
after reading this story, so that's a good thing too, I guess.

Dedication: This rather silly little tale is dedicated to Trey.
Cheers, mate!

Carwash Capers

Of course, it was all Jimmy's idea. He always comes up with
weird ideas. But we do 'em anyway. 'Cause Jimmy's ideas're
always fun, too!

So, summer break had started, and three days in, there was
already nuthin' to do. Me an' Robbie had played like, five games
of Monopoly already. We shot about a million baskets at his
really lame hoop, that's kinda nailed onto the side of his Dad's
garage. We rode our bikes all over town - twice already. That's
when Jimmy came up with the idea.

See, he needed to make some money, and he only had one week. But
he couldn't do it by himself, so he asked me and Robbie to help
him. He got Rocky and Nicky to help too. They're in the sixth
grade with us at school. But we go into seventh grade after the
summer. And Nicky isn't in our school - he's Rocky's cousin, or
something. He's visiting for the summer. Boy, did he pick a
boring place to visit!

Anyway, Jimmy said he needed the money for his vacation with his
Uncle. His Mom said he could visit his uncle over the summer in
L.A., but he had to pay for the bus fare himself. That's 'cause
his Dad's kind of a loser, and won't give it to him. And Jimmy
really wants to go, 'cause his uncle's got a really cool place,
and is going to take him to where the movies are made, and to
the beach, and everything!

Jimmy said whatever we make, we split it five ways. He said he
woulda invited us to come with him, but his uncle only has a
one-room apartment, with a couch that his uncle folds out into a
bed every night. We all said that was okay, it was his uncle
anyway.

Finally, Jimmy told us his idea for making money. He said he
thought about mowing lawns, but you hafta go to people's houses
and ask them did they want their lawn mowed, and it was all a
hassle, and too hot anyway. And he thought about a lemonade
stand, but it don't make enough money, and it was too hot
anyway. Just when it looked like Jimmy was going to tell us
about five hundred ideas he thought of and decided against,
Robbie told him to stop jerkin' us around and get on with it.

A carwash, Jimmy said, like that explained everything. He said
his Dad had lots of car washing stuff he brought home from his
job at the store, it was just sitting in the basement in boxes
doing nothing, except a couple times a week some guy or other
would call around and take one of the boxes and give his Dad
some money for it. There was so much stuff, his Dad would never
miss a bit of it, he said.

Jimmy had it all figured out. He told Rocky to make a big sign,
to advertise the carwash, 'cause he was the best in our class at
Art. Nicky could help him. Maybe they could make two signs, he
said, one for each end of the street. I had to get hoses and
buckets from each of our houses, that way there'd be enough to
go 'round. Jimmy told Robbie to get his Mom's outdoor setting,
the table and chairs and umbrella, and set it up on the front
lawn, ready for the customers to sit on while their car gets
washed. Jimmy said he would be in charge of holding the money,
'cause it was his idea.

Nicky wanted to know how much a car wash was gonna cost, so he
could put it on the sign. We all had a big discussion right
about then, to decide what we should charge for it, and
eventually settled on five bucks, because it seemed about right,
and because Jimmy said he could set the price because it was his
idea. We all agreed to start the carwash right after lunch, when
we brought all the stuff back to Jimmy's front lawn and finished
the signs and all.

Then Jimmy told us there was one more thing: uniforms. Jimmy
said we hadda make it look 'perfessional', by all wearing the
same stuff. We settled on white, 'cause we all had that: white
shorts, white shirts, white socks, white trainers.

Business started slow, but by the time we all had to go eat our
suppers, we had 8 customers. That means we made forty bucks!
There was a bike in the window of Schwinn's Bike Shop that I
woulda killed someone to get, but it was over a hundred bucks!
Doing this car washing might mean I could afford it! It was easy
work, a lot easier than mowing grass, and when we got hot in the
sun, we just squirted each other with the hose!

The next day, Tuesday, we expected to get lots more customers,
'cause we had a whole day, and maybe word got around from
yesterday. But we only got a few. At lunchtime, Rocky saw a car
go by that looked like it was freshly washed. He knew the
driver, so he waved. It was Mister Ferrington, who lived next
door to Rocky. He asked him why he didn't bring his car to us to
get washed, we woulda done him a good deal and a good job.
Mister Ferrington told him he woulda, but he passed another
carwash being run by a buncha girls, just a coupla blocks away,
and they asked him if they could wash his car, and he just
couldn't say no, on account of they asked so nicely and all.
Plus they had swimsuits on.

Rocky passed this news on to Jimmy. "Those bitches!", he yelled.
"They stole our idea!"

Now, I gotta explain about Jimmy. To him, every girl or woman is
a bitch. He's got three older sisters, they're "lazy bitches".
His Mom is a "useless bitch". His aunties are "nosy bitches".
The lady teachers at our school are "know-it-all bitches". Well,
that's how he is. Boy, if my dad ever heard me call any girl or
lady a bitch, even old Mrs Durlap, that collects the ticket
money at the drive-in theatre and who really is a bitch, I
wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. And to call my Mom a
bitch...well, I might as well just pack my bags and leave home.

So Jimmy called an emergency meeting. Wasn't that hard - we were
all standin' around right there anyway - and said we had to stop
those bitches from takin' all our customers - and our money -
right now. Nicky asked how the girls got our idea off us,
anyway. That's when I kinda hung my head. See, My Mom always
tells me I might as well tell the truth, 'cause everyone can see
when I'm lying, I ain't no good at it at all. I just blurted
right out that it was my fault.

Everyone looked at me so I explained to the guys that like
usual, at the supper table last night, Mom had asked us what we
all did that day. Well, I was pretty pleased about the forty
bucks we made, so I just came right out and told everyone about
the carwash, and how easy it was, and how the customers just
drove right on up, and everything. But what I kinda never paid
much attention to was that right after supper, my sister
Anne-Maree spent an awful lot of time on the phone, more than
usual even. I guess I shoulda put two and two together. Rocky
said I shoulda just shut my big ole mouth.

Robbie asked how come the girls got all our customers just by
puttin' on swimsuits. He said Anne-Maree ain't even got no tits.
But Nicky said that Anne-Maree was friends with that Collins
girl, Phoebe, and she's got great tits. Probably a few of her
friends were at the girls' car wash too. I was too dejected from
losin' all our customers (and our dough) to worry about whether
I should be insulted by Robbie's remark about Anne-Maree's tits.
Why would he be lookin' there anyway? Robbie's always talkin'
about girls' tits - ever since he got a coupla hairs round his
dick. It's weird.

Jimmy wasn't as pissed with me as I expected he'd be. Sometimes
he's got a pretty short fuse, has Jimmy. He just said that we
weren't gonna let some bitches take our money, and we were gonna
fight fire with fire. He said that he had speedos on under his
white shorts, and anybody that didn't could go home right away
and put them on, and we were gonna show a lot more skin and get
all our customers back. He said if people thought them bitches
looked good in swimsuits, wait 'til they see us guys! Then he
stripped down to his swimsuit right there in front of us, and
sure enough, he had on this pale yellow speedo. Robbie said it
looked liked last year's size, whatever that meant. But the rest
of us scattered back to our homes, and ten minutes later we were
all in speedos and our customers started to arrive!

It was a lot more fun washin' the cars in speedos, I was
surprised nobody thought of it before. Jimmy said that since
Nicky was the cutest-looking boy out of all of us (except
himself, of course), that he should make another sign, and go on
over to where them bitches (the girls) were washin' cars, so all
their customers would see that they should get their cars washed
at the boys' car wash. Nicky said he was not the cutest, but
everyone told him he was too, and to stop arguin' about it. I
couldn't see why bein' cute had anything to do with washin'
cars, but I guess that's 'cause I ain't no businessman.

We made another fifty-five bucks that afternoon, plus thirty
bucks in tips! And we had a lot of fun as well. Robbie pulled
Nicky's speedo down at the back, right in front of a customer,
and everybody laughed - even the customer, but not Nicky: he
squealed like a girl and chased Robbie with a hose! Rocky put
soap suds all around his speedo, so it looked like he was
wearing nothin' but foam! Jimmy popped a boner, but he didn't
even care! He just kept on goin' right up to the customers after
we finished washin' the cars and askin' for the money! His
speedo stuck way out in front, and since it was wet you could
kinda see the tip of his dick through the material, a bit. But
he never tried to cover it up! Boy, he was a lot braver than I
woulda been.

When it was time for supper, I told the other guys that I would
make up for my big mouth by listening in on Anne-Maree if she
phones up any of the other girls tonight after supper, just in
case they come up with any more ways to steal out customers off
us. Robbie said the girls probably would discuss it after they
finished washin' their cars, and maybe he should sneak around
there and hide in the bushes and listen, but Jimmy said those
bitches are always talking on the phone, even if they just
finished talking to each other face-to-face, and that Robbie
just wanted to see that bitch Phoebe's tits in a wet t-shirt.
Jimmy told me to make sure I heard everything.

Next day, straight after breakfast, I met everyone on the front
lawn of Robbie's house, where we had everything set up. I told
them I listened real good to Anne-Maree, and that was how I
found out what they're gonna do today. It was all Phoebe
Collins' idea, according to what I heard Anne-Maree say, that
the girls were all going to wear long white t-shirts with only
bikini bottoms underneath them, and to wet the t-shirts so their
tits would show through. Jimmy said that big-titted bitch wasn't
going to steal our customers from us, and we were gonna outsmart
those bitches at their own game.

Jimmy asked us all whether our parents would notice if we didn't
have those white shorts we wore on Monday anymore, and we all
agreed that nobody's parents would even care. Jimmy told Robbie
to go inside and get his mother's scissors, while we all went
back to our houses and got our white shorts. When we met up
again, Jimmy explained his new plan for keeping our customers.
He told us to follow him to the side of Robbie's house, where it
was shielded from the road by the fence and some bushes.

I couldn't figure out why we were going back to wearing shorts,
since the speedos seemed to work so well, but Jimmy said that
the bitches had "upped the ante", and we had to "kick in to stay
in the game". He asked Nicky for his shorts, and used the
scissors to cut right up the side seam, all the way to just
below the waist, on both sides. Then he did the same on the
other four pairs of shorts, and gave them back to us.

"Now we put 'em on, with nothing underneath", Jimmy said,
pulling his t-shirt off and dropping his speedos to his ankles.
Now I knew why we were doing this in the shelter of the bushes!
The rest of us just looked at each other as Jimmy pulled on his
cut-up shorts, until Robbie just shrugged and started stripping
off as well. Soon we had all stripped and re-dressed in the
mangulated shorts, and emerged from the bushes to get to work.

Wearing the shorts felt weird, especially when a gust of wind
blew them up in back, it felt like I had on nothin' at all. And
when they got wet, it was worse! With no undies, the wet
material just stuck to my dick and you could see the whole
thing! But the other guys didn't seem to mind, so I just got on
with my job. I was in charge of wiping the cars down with a
chamois after they got their final hose-off from Jimmy. Robbie
and Rocky worked the sponges, and Nicky was our supply guy,
keeping all the buckets full of water and suds. We still had
fun, and lots of customers. I thought I recognised some of the
cars from yesterday, but I musta been mistaken - who would get
their car washed two days in a row?

I couldn't believe Jimmy had a boner again, with his see-through
shorts and all, but he sure did! I even saw him a couple times
touch it, when he was talkin' to a customer! Not rub it or
anything gross, but he would walk up to the window of the car,
where the driver was, and just kinda bump it with the end of the
hose in his hand, keeping his boner stiff, and ask the driver
for five bucks! I'm sure some of the drivers saw it, too! Not
that Robbie and Rocky were any better - whenever they walked
past each other, circling around the car to sponge it down, they
were always grabbing at each other's dicks, or pulling the loose
material of their shorts up at the back, exposing a cheek of
their butts. The drivers didn't seem to mind - at least nobody
complained to our parents!

At the end of our third day of car washing, Jimmy announced that
we had made another ninety-two bucks - thirty-two of that was in
tips! That made nearly two hundred bucks! Jimmy said it was
"imperative" that I listen to what the bitches were planning for
Thursday, so we could beat them to it, so I had my secret
mission for the night. He also told us to dry our shorts out,
and make sure our parents didn't find 'em. I was afraid to ask
what we would be wearing the next day!

Thursday morning, we had our "business meeting" as Jimmy called
it, right after breakfast, on the front lawn of Robbie's house,
under the umbrella. Everyone was waiting for me to report on
what the girls discussed on the phone last night. I told them
that Anne-Maree was giggling so much I could hardly understand
what she was sayin', but I eventually heard that they were
sticking with the long t-shirts and bikini bottoms that they
wore on Wednesday, but with a difference - they were going to
start cleaning the insides of the cars as well.

Jimmy rubbed his finger and thumb on his chin, like he was
thinkin'. He asked me whether the bitches said anything about
the drivers staying inside their cars. I said that it puzzled me
when they said it, but yeah, the drivers were supposed to sit
inside, behind the wheel. Then Jimmy stood up, to explain what
we were gonna do today. But before doing that, he told us
something about his uncle, who he was savin' up to stay with in
L.A.

He said whenever his uncle came to visit him, he always patted
Jimmy on the butt, whenever he could. In the mornings, after
school, when he got out of the bathtub, when he walked past him
in the living room, in pajamas, it didn't matter. His uncle
loved patting his butt, and Jimmy kinda got used to it. His
uncle gave him a nickel every time he did it, so Jimmy kinda
looked forward to it, as well.

Nicky surprised me by saying that Rocky's big brother Alfonso
(Nicky is staying with Rocky, remember) is always patting him on
the butt and wrestling on the floor and the couch with him.
Rocky admitted that Alf did that kinda stuff with him all the
time, too. Then Robbie said that his next-door neighbour was
always taking photos of him in the back yard in his swimsuit,
and he especially liked it when Robbie pulled the back of his
swimsuit down and showed his butt for a photo. His neighbour
gave him a half-dollar every time he did that, Robbie said.

Then Jimmy asked me whether I had anything to add. I still
couldn't quite work out what all these guys were getting at,
about being patted on the butt and having photos of their butt
taken, so I just said that Mister Kardenhaus, the school
janitor, whenever he sees me in the hall, calls me over to him
and sits me on his knee so I can tell him how my day is going.
He puts his hand across my thighs so I don't fall off.

Jimmy nodded. "So we all understand what needs to be done", he
says, and the other guys all nod, but I haven't got a clue what
they're all talkin' about. So I figure, better than lookin'
dumb, I'll just watch what the others do, and then I'll get it.
We all went up to the side of Robbie's house, behind the bushes,
and changed into the cut-up shorts again. I wasn't sure, but it
seemed to me that Jimmy's shorts were shorter than yesterday-
they hardly came down to the top of his legs; and the slit up
the side wasn't a slit any more, it looked more like an
upside-down "V".

As I looked around, I noticed that Nicky's shorts seemed to be
different, somehow, as well. They sure weren't the same ones he
had on yesterday. Nicky saw me looking at them, and told me that
he thought the legs were a bit too long, so he shortened them.
Then Robbie said that yeah, he made the legs of his shorts a bit
shorter, too, because they got uncomfortable bein' so long.
Rocky said the fork of the shorts got itchy when it was wet so
he trimmed it a little - now it looked like only a string was
holding the two halves together. Jimmy gave me the scissors, in
case I wanted to "improve" my shorts, but I didn't know what to
do - shorts are shorts, after all.

So, we set to work, and I noticed a few of the cars had
out-of-state tags, so maybe word was gettin' around of how good
our car wash was! After I finished one car with the chamois, I
told Jimmy he could collect the money from the driver. His dick
was stickin' straight out again, and because he had cut the legs
off the shorts, there sure wasn't much material left to cover
it! But he just walked right on up to the driver, and asked if
there was anything else we could do for him, So the driver says
"Such as?", and I can see him lookin' right at Jimmy's boner. So
Jimmy called Nicky over to the car window.

I couldn't exactly hear what Jimmy was sayin', but it sounded
like he was tellin' the driver that for ten bucks extra, Nicky
would dust his radio. I thought the driver would just laugh at
him for sure, but he took one look at Nicky and opened the door.
Nicky leaned right across the guy's lap and started dusting that
radio. I never knew radios could get so dusty. I was also
puzzled that the guy didn't get out of the car and give Nicky
more room, or maybe open the passenger door so Nicky could get
in from that side. Boy, there sure is a lot to learn in the car
wash business!

It was a funny sight, kinda - I could see Nicky's bare legs
sticking out of the car door, with the driver's hands on Nicky's
butt to stop him from fallin'; the driver's hands were kinda
shakin' some, like he was shiverin' or whatever; Jimmy was just
standing there feelin' his boner and watchin' Nicky's butt get
rubbed; then the driver started gruntin' a bit, and Jimmy said
"Time's up!" The driver handed over fifteen bucks, and Jimmy
gave Nicky a pat on the back. It was weird!

Nicky wasn't the only one that got to clean inside the cars:
after we finished another out-of-stater, Jimmy came over to the
driver's window and said to the guy that Robbie and Rocky could
clean the door handles in the back seat for an additional
fifteen bucks, and the guy could watch to make sure they did a
good job. The guy looked at Robbie and Rocky in their little
white shorts, and handed Jimmy the cash right off!

They piled into the back seat, and I could hear 'em squirmin'
around, like there wasn't much room. They musta both been lying
down on the seat, to get a better angle at the door handles, I
guess, 'cause I couldn't see 'em - but I could sure hear 'em!
They musta polished those handles 'til they glowed, by the sound
of it - even the driver was impressed, 'cause he leaned over the
front seat and watched the whole thing! When they finished and
got outta the car, I noticed they both had boners, but that
happens sometimes when you have to work close up alongside
somebody, it ain't their fault.

Even I got a turn at workin' inside the cars - boy, was it
weird! Jimmy asked this guy if he wanted his rear-view mirror
shined, and said that I would do it for him, but it would cost
twenty bucks! It was the stupidest deal I ever heard of, but
after lookin' me over, to see that I was up to the job I guess,
the guy went for it! So I climbed in on his lap and sat there,
and reached up to the mirror with my washrag. He had one hand on
my thigh, to keep me from fallin' off, he said, and the other on
my chest, to, well, keep me from fallin' over, I guess. But it
musta took a lot of effort, 'cause the guy never stopped
groanin' the whole time.

By suppertime, when we had to call it quits, we had made nearly
a hundred bucks in just the one day! That made over three
hundred so far, and we were almost up to Jimmy's target! A
return bus ticket to L.A. was ninety bucks, so we had to make
four-fifty all up, and we weren't far off, but we only had one
more day, 'cause the bus only left on Saturdays. Jimmy asked
Nicky to wait behind a minute, but the rest of us took off for
our homes for supper. Robbie didn't have very far to go!

On Friday morning, we all assembled at the front of Robbie's
house like usual. Jimmy said that "this was it", like we were
goin' to land at Iwo Jima or somethin'. We snuck down the side
of Robbie's house, behind the bushes, like usual, and started
takin' our clothes off, to change into the shorts, like usual. I
noticed Robbie and Rocky already had boners, and were playin' at
grabbin' each other's dicks and laughin'. I had some good news
for a change: I told the guys that I listened in to Anne-Maree
on the phone again last night, and she was tellin' some other
girl that Phoebe Collins got busted by some grown-up for not
wearin' a bra under her t-shirt. Anne-Maree told this other girl
that Mrs Collins grounded Phoebe for a week, then she said that
the car washing detergent was making her hair go all frizzy, so
she was pulling out as well - the bottom line was, the girls'
car wash was all washed up!

Jimmy was pretty excited - he started to bone up too - he said
that now we got rid of the bitches, nothin' could stand in our
way. He said we were gonna introduce a new feature in our car
washes, to make even more money: Nicky was gonna give each
driver a blow-job, on account of he was so good at it, for only
twenty bucks a pop. Nicky got upset, and yelled "You promised
you wouldn't tell, if I gave you one!" and sat on the ground
naked and sulked. "I'm not gonna do it no more - you can keep
the money, I don't want it."

We were all kinda dumbfounded by this - Nicky was snifflin' and
rubbin' his snotty nose on his arm, and saying that Jimmy could
keep his share! That was over sixty bucks! But then, Robbie
stopped playin' with Rocky's dick long enough to say to Jimmy
that they didn't want the money either, they didn't need it, and
Jimmy could have their shares for his trip and all, and they
were sick of washin' cars, and they were goin' over to Rocky's
house to mess around some, 'cause him Mom wasn't home. They
pulled their cloths back on and left.

Jimmy sat on the ground next to Nicky, and tried to make it up
to him, but Nicky sounded pretty cut up to me. It looked like
the whole car wash operation was a bust. Jimmy said he knew how
much the bike meant to me, and gave me my share - sixty five
bucks! Then he helped Nicky get dressed, and dressed himself,
and led him away, to Jimmy's house, I guess. That left me,
standin' there in a pair of white shorts that revealed more than
they covered, if you know what I mean. I guess I got so used to
wearin' 'em, and how comfortable they felt, that I just put 'em
on out of habit. I figured I might as well tidy up Robbie's
Mom's front yard of all our car wash stuff, or else she might
tell my Mom we made a mess of it.

A car horn sounded. I peeked out from behind the bushes. It was
another one of those out-of-state guys. I came around the side
of the bushes to see what the guy wanted. He said he'd heard
there was a great car wash here, and wanted to get something
special done to his car. Now that's when something funny started
happening. See, I been watching everyone the last few days, and
noticing how Jimmy walked around with a boner most of the time,
even right up to the drivers' windows, without caring who saw.
And Robbie and Rocky, they always seemed to be touchin' each
other's boners, and I don't think they were goin' to Rocky's
house to play Monopoly just now. And Nicky - boy, I never heard
of no guy givin' another guy a blowjob before; I thought only
girls did that. Jimmy said blowjobs weren't really sex anyway,
they were just...well, messin' around.

So I'm standing there, in front of this guy, with just my white
shorts on with big splits up the sides, thinkin' about all
what's been happening with the car wash this week, and I started
to bone up! The guy in the car was lookin' right at it! But I
didn't cover it up, 'cause...well...I kinda liked that he could
see it. It just got stiffer and stiffer, until it pointed right
at him! So I half-turned to look up the street, to see if anyone
was watchin', or any more cars were comin', but that meant the
guy could look straight into the side of my shorts and probably
could see my whole boner from side-on! So then he kinda smiled
and said that the ash-tray in the back seat needed polishing,
and he would pay fifty bucks if I done a good job of it. Then he
got out of the driver's seat and opened the back door of his car
and got in - on the back seat!

Fifty more dollars would give me just enough for that bike! I
could feel my boner throbbin', like it was already hopin' for
some action. I heard the guy in the back seat unzip his slacks,
and wriggle around on the seat a little. The back door of the
car was open, waiting for me to jump in...

"Sure!" I said.

end